Is My Partner Able To Have Deep Conversations?

Maybe I'm alone here, but I bet that I am not. I bet there are many of you out there who have had this thought. A thought where you think "wow, he/she's great but I just can't connect with them on a deeper level." Or rather there are just some people in your life who you always seem to gravitate towards and want to talk to for hours upon hours. And oddly enough, when talking to that person it only feels like 30 minutes. So to determine if your partner is able to have deep and meaningful conversations, you should consider your own experiences with them and the quality of your conversations. Here are some indicators that I've thought of through my time with my partners that might be helpful to you in your assessment of your partner:

1. Depth of discussions: Reflect on the topics you discuss with your partner. Are you able to go beyond surface-level conversations and delve into more of the subjects that are first, more important to you, but also second, relate to your personal values, life goals, emotions, and philosophical or intellectual ideas? Meaningful conversations often involve sharing vulnerabilities, exploring complex topics, and engaging in thoughtful exchanges. Do you feel that your conversations are going there? This also doesn't mean that the conversations should always be about only your values/life goals/etc. but they should be present in the conversation (as any conversation is a two way street).

2. Active listening and engagement: Consider how your partner responds during conversations. Does he/she actively listen to you, show genuine interest, and ask thought-provoking questions? Meaningful conversations require both parties to be engaged and interested in understanding each other's perspectives.

3. Emotional connection: Meaningful conversations often involve emotional depth and vulnerability. Assess whether your partner is comfortable sharing his/her emotions and actively engages with your emotional experiences. Emotional openness can deepen the connection and facilitate more meaningful conversations going forward. This makes me think....you have to give to get sometimes. If you are always closed off, maybe your partner may be as well in fear of their emotions not being protected. Emotions can be a tender thing, and a hard thing to share. Try to remember that the next time that you're mad at your person. However, if they don't show the same curtesy, maybe a conversation needs to be had.

4. Intellectual curiosity: Look for signs of intellectual curiosity in your partner. Are they interested in learning new things, exploring different perspectives, and expanding their knowledge? And maybe more importantly, do they express interest and questions in you? A genuine curiosity and eagerness to engage in intellectual discussions can help lead to more meaningful conversations.

5. Reflection and introspection: Meaningful conversations often involve self-reflection and introspection. Assess whether your partner is willing to explore his/her own thoughts, values, and personal growth. Do they engage in introspective conversations, sharing his/her insights and invest time into their personal development? This can come in many forms and fashions as each person has a different perspective and different wants in life. I also think it is important to realize that you cannot change people. People have to want to change on their own.

6. Shared values and goals: Meaningful conversations often revolve around shared values, aspirations, and long-term goals. Consider whether you and your partner have aligned values and discuss your visions for the future. Don't be afraid to ask those "big questions." Either your partner is thinking the same thing and they will be glad that you asked or maybe your partner is not the one for you. Now this may be going out on a limb, but you're also reading this for some potential concern. Because I have given too many chances for the fear of being "mean" I stayed with some unkind partners. I would not be afraid to ask yourself if the above things are true and if you are getting a benefit from the relationship as well. Maybe think about: if you both are in the same stage of life, or if you feel listened to, or if you feel valued or wanted. If you're having questions on any of these things that may be a different answer. But as far as having meaningful conversations, I think it stems from a bit of mutual effort, similar goals, and sharing these deeper aspects of yourselves to foster and start those meaningful connections that may have been lacking.

   
   

I think one thing to mention here is that it is important to have realistic expectations and an understanding that not every conversation will be deep and meaningful all the time. Relationships should equally be filled with laughter and silly moments in order to lighten the mood and create an ease within the relationship from time to time. However, if you consistently feel a lack of depth or connection in your conversations, it may be worth discussing your needs and expectations with your partner to see if there is room for improvement or if you have differing communication styles.

Hopefully this helps ladies and gentleman! Good luck out there :)