How to Have Deep Conversations:

Ever think to yourself…gosh, small talk is sooooo exhausting! And this can be better or worse depending on your mood and who you are specifically talking to. I had always thought this was because I was just so antisocial in my life, but I have come to the conclusion that ANY conversation takes two (at least). And if that conversation sucks, it is not just your fault. There may be a portion of it that you should take some blame for, but just know…it is not all you. So don’t feel bad. I think the thing about small talk is that it gets us through the day. But those deep connections are what really build friendships, relationships and those really real connections with the people you want in your life. So you may be in the boat of “What do I say?,” or “When do I say it?” Well, I’d like to say that these things should just come naturally and with some people it will, but in those times where the conversation is just….struggling, here are some conversation starters that may help you get over the hurdle of the dreaded small talk.

1. “What’s something you’ve never told anyone, but think you should?”

2. “When do you feel most like yourself?”

3. “What’s a belief you used to have but no longer hold?”

4. “If you could relive one day of your life, what would it be and why?”

5. “What’s one thing you wish people understood about you?”

6. “What’s been your biggest emotional growth moment so far?”

7. “What scares you the most about the future?”

8. “What role does love play in your life?”

9. “Do you think people can truly change?”

10. “What’s something you’re still trying to forgive yourself for?”

I think it is important to note here that there is a time and place to ask deep questions. The first question, “What’s something you’ve never told anyone, but think you should?,” would be REALLY odd to ask someone after just learning their name. So do please wait for the right moment. When you might ask would that be? This could be during a long drive or a walk. Anytime where the environment is a bit quieter and more relaxed with less people around. You (and no one else) likes to tell secrets with strangers around to hear. I am also a very choosy person with who I choose to spend my time so the next couple of things may not resonate with everyone, but I think deep conversations are more appropriate with the people you trust/know in a fuller capacity, or feel emotionally safe with.

So you now may wonder what you should improve to enhance your conversation skills. Here are some tips:

1. Practice active listening

2. Don’t rush—let silence breathe

3. Be open and nonjudgmental

4. Match vulnerability with vulnerability

   
   

I think deep conversations are way more exciting than talking about the weather any day! So I encourage you to delve into these types of conversations. They’re fun! And people are fun too especially when you get to know them better. Getting to know someone on a deeper level can build stronger relationships, improve emotional intelligence and create space for vulnerability and growth. You don’t have to have the perfect words, just be present, curious about the other person and honest. And this will take you far. Good luck out there!